House of IG

I introduced a feature entitled "Madison Tales" on my blog that is updated with increasing frequency cause folks don't know how to act. Below, find the post that started it all.

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So, my evening commute consists of taking the Madison bus from downtown to the Wesssidde to pick up Piggles. This bus ride is rarely, if ever, uneventful. In fact, sometimes it's the highlight of my day.

Scene: Bus stop, West Loop. Rush hour. Frantic commuters everywhere.

Cast: Kindred, surly because she skipped lunch in favor of shopping AND because two packed buses have passed her by:


Commuter Guy, a stereotype through and through:

Ms. Fatback*, a woman of handsome girth:

Commuter Guy parks his bike and stands on the bus stop, futzing with his Blackberry and briefcase. After about seven minutes, another crammed bus pulls up to let a couple of claustrophobic people off, gasping for air. Undaunted, Commuter Guy searches for his fare cause he is totally getting on this effin bus, laws of physics be d*mned. Kindred rolls her eyes and looks for the next one. Commuter Guy firmly plants his foot on the first step of the bus to signal his determination to board, while still searching for his fare. Momentarily distracted, he doesn't notice that Ms. Fatback is at the top of the steps. Finally finding his fare, Commuter Guy rushes up two more stairs, bounces off of Ms. Fatback's fat back, and tumbles down the stairs and onto the street, but not before knocking over a couple of other commuters and opening his briefcase (sending papers flying).

Cause I'm really all about the visual aids, here is an artistic interpretation of what happened:


Here is my (subtle) reaction:

Did I offer to help? No! Did I pick up any stray papers that were swirling about my head? No! What did I do? Rush into the Opera House because I was laughing so hard I turned purple and slobbed a little.

I'm not going to win a Compassionate Award any time soon.