House of IG

From time to time, I have cwazy thoughts. No, not "Maybe I should just come at her head real hard with little reason" crazy *raised eyebrow to Keri Hilson* or "I should get back with him even though parts of me are still swollen" crazy *side eye to YOU KNOW WHO,* but just thoughts that in the grand scheme of things don't really make sense. I, like you, sometimes refer to these thoughts as RANDOM. On a deeper level, they're not really random; we all know that just one thing any of our senses picks up on can trigger an entire string of internal conversation. However, without knowing the backstory, most other people would be caught off guard by these thoughts. And thus, my forte. I usually put my random thoughts in my Facebook statI, but because Facebook has become Twitbook or Facetwit (I think I like that one more...), I have decided to list them here. That's right - SANS backstory. PLEASE NOTE: Some of these are repeats. I agree with Luvvie - self-plagiarism is NOT plagiarism. Partake. Enjoy.

1) I don't care how much you may love him or think he's the hottest rapper in the game right now, Lil' Wayne still looks like a tatted up pap smear.

2) In my role as an admissions counselor, I just had to call a prospective student named Vesta. Too bad she was denied admission, 'cuz I was ready to shout "CongratuLAAAAAAAATIONS!!! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, OH, OHHH, oh, oh, oh!" P.S. Did you know that Vesta had a VID'JA for that song???! It looks like it was filmed on the set of "Amen."

3) In the words of Dave Chappelle, "I know a pimp when I see one..." and King Triton on the Little Mermaid was a pimp. SEVEN daughters and NO mama to be seen?? And that crown?! And the way he had to bring the smackdown on Ariel's treasure cave? However, I didn't care for the undertones of underage sex and beastiality - mm, hmm - I'm lookin' at YOU, so-called Prince Eric! Or should I say Prince Kelly?????

4) If Oprah, MISS SOFIA herself, tells you to do something, you best do it. If she told me to leave somebody I had been with for 14 years, I would say "Hey, this thing just ain't meant to be" and chuck the deuces. If not for any other reason than she could probably raise a series of fingers and have you removed from existence.

5) Those commercials with the kids working the computers and taking pictures and sending 'em to people and editing and cropping them and sh*t gives me a case of the Horribles. Kids shouldn't be THAT smart.

6) I saw a girl in a club a couple weeks ago that was at least a size 12 with a one piece, we'll say "outfit" on her body that was made for probably a size 10. Not a huge difference, but a few short observations. First, I use the term OUTFIT accurately...cuz Lord knows that thang out fit HER. Second, don't try to be sociable in the club when the right or more appropriately wrong move will reveal everything under that thin denim contraption. Third, be kind to yourself and to others as that ensemble made me feel like my corneas were fighting one another.

7) Beyonce appears in the latest issue of...what was it again, Vogue? Yes, I believe it was Vogue. One blogger put it best: "I don't know what she was selling this time." Seriously, it won't be long before the House of Dammititswrong is designing bedazzled diaphragms. "For the Single Lady who wants to stay a Single Lady." They'll be the tackiest, nastiest thang you can put in yo' vajajay since...Lil' Wayne!

Aaaaand we come full circle. This won't be a recurring post, just something I needed to get off my chest. Be cool.