Dearest Candace,
First and foremost, I begin this letter with words of thanks.
Thank you for your willingness to sh*t on common sense by continuing to comment on posts you don't like, solely about how much you don't like them. Granted, if your criticism was witty it might have been taken to heart, cause here at Igville, the power of a good roast reigns supreme. However, your comment was drier than Ciara's diaphragm and Alise's scalp.
Thank you for your dedication and perseverance, which ensures that you will grumble on every post that Luvvie writes, dignity be d*mned. Commenting on a post three days old at 1:13 in the morning conveys the fact that your angsty heart knows no bounds.
Thank you for your unsolicited advice which implies that we here at Igville write to please the masses. For the record, we don't. We write to amuse ourselves, and anyone else that finds our random humor entertaining is appreciated, but certainly not needed. Do not make the mistake of flattering yourself by assuming that your readership is required for us to lead fulfilling, Igtastic lives.
Now that the accolades are over, I have a few questions. Namely, why do you keep coming back to piss and moan? Is it the unbridled rage in your heart that compels you to do so? Second, it is my understanding that you enjoy the writing of our other contributors, including myself. If this is true, why must you bundle these compliments as the sweet filling inside of a sh*tty hate sandwich?
Last, and perhaps the most pressing question of all... why are you named Candace? Don't you realize that you were probably better off with the title of Anonymous? As both a mother and a daughter, this concerns me greatly.
You can respond to these inquiries at your leisure. Again, thank you. Thank you for failing so greatly that it caused me to succeed in writing a post in eight minutes flat.
Yours in Ig,
Kindred
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Digging the IG
House of IG by The IGs is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
31 comments:
Me thinkin' "Candace" is really Miss Honey and the 'dauum B*tch' went back.
She just mad.
Candace is too much for me!
I'm interested to see her response.
And if she starts talkin' about my hairhat again, I'm gonna invite her around back to settle thangs! Hmmph!
"They don't know 'bout my scrappin' days!" (c)ZeeBaby
Oh KS... how I loveth thee.. cuz I loveth letters, I loveth snark and combining the two is just WOWSERS!
As far as Ms. Candace is concerned... let her be. Its not like she's.. ya know... RELEVANT.
Candace... Darling, from myself I offer you this... please stop embarassing yourself. You have been roundly dismissed. Go find some other corner of the blogosphere where people actually want you to be.
This letter = my lifespace!
That is all.
And Lite Bread - ROTFLMAO!!! I heart you so (dontchuhearmecallinu)
"why must you bundle these compliments as the sweet filling inside of a sh*tty hate sandwich?"
That gave me life,killed me, and then was my resurrection on the 5th day (CP Time)
IGnauce,
I’m thinkin’ I ought to go a little “Candace” on your Hoty A**’s (Librawhatever is exempted. I don’t do ‘on the DL’). See, I was ticked about you makin’ slightly unkind and less-than-generous comments about my fav-o-rite Honey Bunny, Foxy “Rocx-ie” Brown. Miss Honey STOLE that lip gloss, an’ I can PROVE it.
I have a digital pic of Ms.Brown (MY Samsung camera WORKS. Thttttttttttt!) on her “Comin’ Out a Jail” party/press conference an’ she WEARIN’ that Lip Gloss!
From the angle the shot was taken, her boobs are pressed so High an’ Tight, I swear you can hear the left one sayin’, in a Janet Jackson voice, “Free me Justin! Come on, let me SEE the world!”
(This ONCE was my work computer’s background. Til some twit called HR. Ruled “Inappropriate”. I thinkin’ they just couldn’t get their small minds around Mr. Whitey Professional, Van Halen-listening, ‘got my jeans pulled UP to the navel’, whiteboy with Foxy as his “Hot Chicky of the … like, Forever”. Hey Strom Thurmond ain’t the only one ya know …)
Candace is just mad she ain't one of the cool kids.... girl, lay offa Luvvie! Ain't her fault she's funnier than you, smarter than you, fiercer than you, and you gonna f*k around till she bite you with them shark teeth!
alise-lmao 5th day (cp Time)
BTW, I think y'all are Fabulous!
I love this post. I had to do a similar post back in the day to call out someone who was hating. He defended himself though... looks like Candace is no where to be found.
Aw, she called me BELOVED. Now, Kindred, while I appreciate your letter, Dude, I don't even know what you're talking about. I haven't even been here since that long ass time ago - that was over 2 weeks ago, I believe. So I haven't been coming back around, as you put it. Heck I just happened to pop in today to see if there was anything new.
Now, if someone has been parading around as me, that's between you and that person. I'm just glad you called me Beloved. : )
*snickers* @ ThePrettyBrownGal. You gonna invite me out back? Why? So you can get the 4 or 5 dreads left in ya head snatched out? You're too much, chile.
According to the commercials, "MyRegro" works! Try it!
CAT FIGHT!!!!!
the whole audience: daaaaaamn!
Ohhhh, Candace.... Just ohhhh...
POOF!! Be gone, ya heffa!
@amymay -
Whateva, heffa - she (PrettyBaldGirl) started it this time. I wasn't even studdin' her bald-headed self, to tell the truth. I was only trying to figure out why I got a letter when I haven't even been here. I said my peace about her speaking ill of somebody else's hair issues weeks ago. SHE put herself in the mix this time.
Candace...lol. "She Hate Me".
Non-counting heffa don't see that I have 362 locs on my head. If you laid them end to end and tied them together, school children could jump rope all the live long day. Happy chaps they'd be.
PBG - I hate you for making me cackle in the midst of my quiet office. You r tryna ruin my livelihood! I hate that I heart you so.
Oh I can count, Baldy. 3+6+2=11 - the EXACT amount of dreads you have "covering" your scalp. Walkin round lookin' like Chris Kelly from Kris-Kross
http://necolebitchie.com/2009/02/24/daddy-mac-kriss-kross-speaks-out/kriss-kross
talkin' bout yo shit is luxurious. *smdh* Shall I put up your picture so you everyone can count along?
I know imma a lil' late to reviewing all the comments posted by members of the "We Hate Candace Club" (ya'll are funny btw)...but let me say, this ish is getting old.
I mean really Candace, just stop responding. You don't like Luvvie's posts. Ok and??? It ain't gon' make her stop writing, so I think you should just get over it. That isn't even the point anymore though. Now you are just talking to be talking and it's making you look silly.
For the sake of everyone involved, stop. it. now.
Thank ya kindly!
@ The ONE - at first, I commented on Luvvie, yes, that's true. But HELLO - Old Girl made a whole post about me, so of course I'm gonna say something in my defense - ESPECIALLY since it wasn't even me!
Secondly, PBG made a stupid comment about me saying something about her wig - as if anybody was even studdin her silly behind in the first place. So OF COURSE I'm gonna respond. So really, it's YALL that look silly.
Actually, from the tone of the conversations, it isn't even really about Luvvie anymore. You just beefin' with everyone on here. Is it really that serious?
O.N.E. - You aint know? eThugs are the new Black *side eye*
All right fine, somebody wrote a post about you. Did you really think that no one was going to say anything after you dissed one of the Ig's? Be for real.
I'm just asking whether all this is necessary. I mean honestly, Internet beef? Who does that??? We are all grown, so I know you're bigger than this...at least I hope so.
@ The ONE, I'm not beefing. If you knew what you were talking about you'd see that the ONLY person I had an issue with was PBG, and she started with me, not vice versa.
Initially, I was suggesting Luvvie stop doing that twitter shit, but hell, I just took yall's advice and stopped reading it - problem solved.
I come back to see what's new, and BAM - there's a letter to me, and I ain't even been here in over 2 weeks. So I don't care what you "think" the tone is - if you took the time to KNOW what you were talking about BEFORE you made assessments, you'd see the truth.
Was that supposed to put me in my place? Ummm...yeah...whatever. I guess you sure told me *eyes being rolled*.
The "truth" is I could really care less about this whole situation. I just wanted to encourage folks to get along and see how trivial this whole thing is.
Imma continue to do me and you do...whatever it is that you do.
Are you serious? Put you in your place? See, that's why black men go with white women - black woman always taking shit the wrong damn way for no reason.
And if you could care less, don't ask me anything, and stop assuming - problem solved.
Yall's about the silliest band of broads I EVER came across. And you're supposed to be college educated? I realize this is the house of IG, but not everything said is meant to be a barb - get a clue.
When did this House of IG turn into a Shack of Hate??? *wall slide*
I'ont like none of this negativity brewing around these parts. Now Candace. Pay attention as I shall only say this once.
Really really. What's the point of all of this? Yes we get it. You think I'm a lame, you think PBG luxurious locs owe you back like you owe ur rent. Blah blah blah... Keep it moving, chile. All these email notifications are putting a dank, musty blanket on my day.
And before you come back on here with your prompt response (and prompt it shall be, since my tracker shows that you're on here often enough), I'm not starting nothing. Life is too short to be nursing some kind of eBeef.
Why does Candace have issue w/me?? She must hate for no reason, like Lil' Wayne said in that song.
Anyways, let me bounce. I have a concert to get ready for. I have a head full of wet locs. It takes nearly an hour to twist all these joints up. Lawdy, why did I embark upon this?? I see why I pay good $$ for somebody else to tussle w/this luxurious mane.
Ya'll be easy.
Ok Luvvie - look here's the WHOLE DEAL in a nutshell. Pay attention as I too shall only say this ONCE.
I LOVE the House of IG's posts, minus that twitter shit you post. It makes me mad cause I KNOW you can do better than that - I've read your personal blog and it's the sh*t. I THOUGHT I was giving constructive criticism, but because your peeps were so quick to rush to your defense, you never really understood what I was saying. From that point, I said FUCK IT, and decided to just not read it.
You ask what the point is? HELLO? The ONLY reason for these long ass messages on THIS post is because it's a letter about me over some shit I DIDN'T SAY. You already know that, so why you ask is beyond me.
Now as far as ThePrettyBaldGirl goes...
I have an issue with her talking sideways about that model chick's hairline when the bitch knows DAMN WELL her head is so bald everybody can read her mind. People living in glass houses BETTER NOT throw stones - and from those comments, she's living in the glassiest house I EVER saw.
Only reason I even said anything about her on THIS post is because she started with me, BEFORE I even knew about the post. So there you have it.
I have no problem with any of you - I think this site is funny as hell, and I've even said so in a few posts. You keep doing your twitter crap Luvvie, and I just won't read it - you do you - no harm done, and none intended on my end.
But, because I'm SUPER SICK of PBG's bullshit "luxurious mane" I'm posting her picture as my avatar, so I can be DONE with her lies, and everyone can see how "luxurious" her crows nest really is.
That is all.
In the words of Amy Winehouse
"What kinda f*ckery is this?" Great letter, Kindred! lol
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