::clears throat up real good to clear any excess Swine mucus:: "Good Morning HOUSE OF IG! I's so happy I's doin' a jig! Cuz I got something good for ya'll: Beyonce gots a new vid'ja!........" (To the tune of "Good Morning Baltimore" from Hairspray...and if you don't know the song or the show, you probably hate me a little right now. Yeah? You DO?! Well you can kick rocks, SON! I'on't need chu! Wait, no - come back into my life).
Every so often in this world of ours, an event occurs that is so magnanimous that its too big, its too wide, its too much, it won't fit in the context of everyday casual conversation. No, if you thought my description was in reference to the size of a man's penisicle, you were wrong. And THAT'S how one Mrs. Beyonce Knowles-Carter GRABS your attention in her latest single and vid'ja for "Ego." I have tried to NOT address Bey in recent days (as some people INSIST that any level of evaluation of ANYTHING in the ENTIRE WORLD is automatically HATING and that I must be the biggest HATER in the world for so harshly criticizing Bey), but when someone so intently CRAMS themselves into your daily life (thank you, L'Oreal, Verizon, Pepsi, the Oscars, Hollywood, Macy's, etc.) you must assess the source if for nothing else but sanity.
This being the case, let me say the vid'ja for "Ego" is just -- well, its just -- awful. Its just AWFUL. I will attach the link to Beyonce's website so that you may witness this tragedy for yourself - and yes, I will have to post the link to the website and not embed the video as Dictat--Papa Knowles will surely be all over the internets for unapproved usage. And believe me - that is one mustache you do NOT want comin' after you. (I'll still try the link to the actual vid anyway...if its removed, just click the link) Why is the vid'ja just turr'ble? Thank you so much for asking!
http://www.beyonceonline.com/us/home
1) I get it, Bey. With the whole "Sasha Fierce" side of the album, for each video you are purposely using the same concept of black and white and two backup dancers - Single Ladies to Diva to Ego. We ALL get it, Bey. But just because you make it APPARENT that you are using the same concept doesn't make it alright to USE THE SAME CONCEPT. Thats like telling someone, "I know you almost died from smoking that crack out of a pipe. But THIS time let's try using a needle instead."
2) It seems that with each of these videos, Bey, you move further and further away from satsifying your public on the choreography tip. Single Ladies - GREAT. Diva - ::deep inhale:: Oooh... Ego - UN UH!!!!!! A song sometimes has heavy beats. If you simply pose and quickly change poses strictly according to those heavy beats, it is NOT DANCING. Yes, your boobs look huge, shiny, and delectable (although that could be the chicken cutlets I presume are sewn into all your costumes to make you look more like a Coke bottle and less like a pear). But this overacrching idea only serves to reinforce my notion that Bey has too many gay "Yes" men around her telling her that ANYTHING she does is "fierce" or "fierosh" (for the super gays out there).
3) And since I just used a Christian Siriano term, let me use another: Bey, you look a HOT TRANNY MESS! I personally believe that the only difference between "Beyonce" and "Sasha Fierce" is that Sasha is actually a drag queen. Thats right! A FEMALE IMPERSONATOR. Mmm hmmm, I said it TINA! And what?! Let me put it to you like this: have you ever watched RuPaul's show "Drag Race"? You know the winner from that competition, Bebe? Got the image in your mind? Ok. Now, have you ever seen a picture of Matthew Knowles? You have? Great! Now mix those things up in your head and watch the "Ego" video. You can't TELL me that Beyonce don't look like she is auditioning for the next season of "Drag Race"!!!
(for those of you who haven't connected it yet, see the below visual aid...I understand, I'm a visual learn'der too).
Every so often in this world of ours, an event occurs that is so magnanimous that its too big, its too wide, its too much, it won't fit in the context of everyday casual conversation. No, if you thought my description was in reference to the size of a man's penisicle, you were wrong. And THAT'S how one Mrs. Beyonce Knowles-Carter GRABS your attention in her latest single and vid'ja for "Ego." I have tried to NOT address Bey in recent days (as some people INSIST that any level of evaluation of ANYTHING in the ENTIRE WORLD is automatically HATING and that I must be the biggest HATER in the world for so harshly criticizing Bey), but when someone so intently CRAMS themselves into your daily life (thank you, L'Oreal, Verizon, Pepsi, the Oscars, Hollywood, Macy's, etc.) you must assess the source if for nothing else but sanity.
This being the case, let me say the vid'ja for "Ego" is just -- well, its just -- awful. Its just AWFUL. I will attach the link to Beyonce's website so that you may witness this tragedy for yourself - and yes, I will have to post the link to the website and not embed the video as Dictat--Papa Knowles will surely be all over the internets for unapproved usage. And believe me - that is one mustache you do NOT want comin' after you. (I'll still try the link to the actual vid anyway...if its removed, just click the link) Why is the vid'ja just turr'ble? Thank you so much for asking!
http://www.beyonceonline.com/us/home
1) I get it, Bey. With the whole "Sasha Fierce" side of the album, for each video you are purposely using the same concept of black and white and two backup dancers - Single Ladies to Diva to Ego. We ALL get it, Bey. But just because you make it APPARENT that you are using the same concept doesn't make it alright to USE THE SAME CONCEPT. Thats like telling someone, "I know you almost died from smoking that crack out of a pipe. But THIS time let's try using a needle instead."
2) It seems that with each of these videos, Bey, you move further and further away from satsifying your public on the choreography tip. Single Ladies - GREAT. Diva - ::deep inhale:: Oooh... Ego - UN UH!!!!!! A song sometimes has heavy beats. If you simply pose and quickly change poses strictly according to those heavy beats, it is NOT DANCING. Yes, your boobs look huge, shiny, and delectable (although that could be the chicken cutlets I presume are sewn into all your costumes to make you look more like a Coke bottle and less like a pear). But this overacrching idea only serves to reinforce my notion that Bey has too many gay "Yes" men around her telling her that ANYTHING she does is "fierce" or "fierosh" (for the super gays out there).
3) And since I just used a Christian Siriano term, let me use another: Bey, you look a HOT TRANNY MESS! I personally believe that the only difference between "Beyonce" and "Sasha Fierce" is that Sasha is actually a drag queen. Thats right! A FEMALE IMPERSONATOR. Mmm hmmm, I said it TINA! And what?! Let me put it to you like this: have you ever watched RuPaul's show "Drag Race"? You know the winner from that competition, Bebe? Got the image in your mind? Ok. Now, have you ever seen a picture of Matthew Knowles? You have? Great! Now mix those things up in your head and watch the "Ego" video. You can't TELL me that Beyonce don't look like she is auditioning for the next season of "Drag Race"!!!
(for those of you who haven't connected it yet, see the below visual aid...I understand, I'm a visual learn'der too).
In closing, Bey - I know that you are trying to strike while the iron is hot and basically oversaturate the media market in whatever possible facet you and Daddy Warknowles can come up with before Jay knocks you up and Mama Tina's side of the gene pool kicks in, but you need to take a break. Regroup. You are one of the most popular artists in the universe (as I'm sure the first form of life we discover on Mars will be a piece of Dereon attire) so rest! Please. Justin ain't had a cd in like, 4 years, and he's still doin' alright. Christina's last album was what, 2 years ago? And she is still doing oher projects. Bey, you can feel free to focus on one thing so that your creative juices aren't being so minimally spread... You are making me start to like Ciara more and more.
7 comments:
*The old me just wants to let you know that it aint fair for ur IG to be this strong in midday. I almost choked on some corn reading this.
"Bey - I know that you are trying to strike while the iron is hot and basically oversaturate the media market in whatever possible facet you and Daddy Warknowles can come up with before Jay knocks you up and Mama Tina's side of the gene pool kicks in, but you need to take a break. Regroup"
This pretty much killt me dead.
I know that I said I couldn't read anymore of your IG, but I'm addicted to it like Mama Tina is addicted to peacock feathers and rhinestones.
Oh, and this?
"...that is one mustache you do NOT want comin' after you"
Made me snort my tea. Unpleasant all around, but hilarious nonetheless.
Hilarious. I can't say anything more.
Man, IGs is my second fav blog...only second to VSB. And praise Gawd I'm not the only one sick of Queen Bey.
Thank God for you.
My funeral arrangements are pending. My son is being Fed-Ex'd to you as you are responsible for his becoming an orphan. Now see what you done??
It was that damn visual aid that put the final nail in my coffin.
Dang.
"Bey, you look a HOT TRANNY MESS!"
I have died 2 deaths!
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