It was 1am and me, VEG (aka Crazy Magnet) and Overit (aka ZeeBaby) were group-chatting on GMail and it led to this conversation about Harriet Tubman. She was a saint (like Dorothy Mantooth).
Overit: I’m pretty sure Harriet Tubman woulda loved to lay up in a hammock reading freedom papers, but again, people have been rude since the dawn of time
VEG: lmao at reading freedom papers. I loved when I read in school how Harriet carried a pistol and threaten to shoot fools who were to too tired to keep going where they stood!
Overit: LMAO @ Harriet!!!!
VEG: and yeah: Harriet was gangsta. "You keep walking to freedom or you die right here!"
Luvvie: and Harriet was the FIRST gangsta.
Overit: mini overit confession: I used to be kinda intimidated by her (I knew she was dead) but she was antebellum HOOD
Luvvie: lmao!!! Not antebellum hood
Overit: like, would she have shot me??
VEG: lmao. She was like 'you ain't gonna stop so you can get caught and mess this up'. Harriet got you to freedom whether you were serious about it or not. She LEFT her two brothers who were late to show up at the meeting spot. They weren't about freedom. How you gone be late to the escape?
Luvvie: hahahaha Harriet: "Bitch, is u down for freedom or what??? cuz I aint got NO time to play these bald-headed shackled games w/ u. U in, or out? WassUp??"
VEG: Harriet: "I'm bout this freedom. What you bout?"
Luvvie: I imagine Harriet to be an antebellum madea
VEG: bwaaaah at antebellum madea
Luvvie: hahahaha!! not "I’m bout this freedom. what u bout?" dead
Harriet: "I'm bout this freedom. What u bout?"Overit: LMBAO exactly! I have 4, so I know ONE of them would be left
Luvvie: lmao and u KNO Africans cant b on time
Overit: and id hope it was the youngest, mute ass ninja
Luvvie: underground railroad is sposed to be well-oiled machine. Negros gon have u late as hell. Massa woulda BEEN caught up to the plan effing w/ Africans
Overit: moody and don’t ever talk, then once a yr he wanna fill you in on what he been thinking the whole yr, poof! vamoose
VEG: of all times to be on time, this was most important. I think making sure you make your connection with the freedom train is critical.
Luvvie: LMAO!! Z!!
Overit: id take a nap to prepare for the long trip ahead
Luvvie: ur youngest bro don’t say jack??
VEG: LMAO @ Z
Overit: he is so WEIRD
Luvvie: well it means he can keep a secret. we can give HIM the code to spread to the others
Overit: then he comes up to me twice a yr tryin CONVERSATE
Luvvie: hahaha conversate
Overit: and everyone cuts their eyes @ me like "he done chose u to speak with, speak to him"
Luvvie: hahahahahaha as they shine a spotlight on u
VEG: Z, I think he'd make the freedom train. lol. Seems to me he'd be on time.
Luvvie: yup he aint gon b behind makin convos like the rest of the late coloreds
VEG: He won't be chit chatting, saying goodbye and ish
Luvvie: or tellin someone they aint shit cuz u kno we good for that
Overit: oh no, he would have been at the site, RET TO GO
VEG: Can't you see it? 'I'm heading north today and I wanted to let you know, before I go, I hate you azz'
Luvvie: hahahahahaha *dies* "let me take this opportunity to tell u that ur mama aint shit. goodbye. see u on the free side"
VEG: lmao I'd have done that
Overit: girl, so would I. "bitch, chicken george be thankin bout me when he out in the field with you"
Luvvie: i'da been late talkin shit bout what I was gon do up north
VEG: LMAO at Z
Luvvie: and how I was gon rock them "city folks gear" hahahahahahahahaha
VEG: when I gets free...
Luvvie: NOT chicken george!!!!
Overit: WHAT IS WRONG WITH US?
Luvvie: iCANNOT w/ us!!
VEG: Nothin. Araminta Ross is a she-ro. She deserves to be celebrated
Overit: I have long been intrigued by george and kizzy. ole kambe bolongo faces. LMBAO @ bell atlantics voice
Luvvie: bwahahahaha
Overit: that's what I call him btw
Luvvie: isweahfoVishnu I need to quit u
VEG: my older brother would be late to the freedom train cuz he'd be trying to get these damn kids together. I’d be like 'hurry up now. we got to move'
Luvvie: I’d be late cuz I’d b draggin my sack of rice I aint wanna leave to waste
VEG: LMAO To you I'd say "negrette. How u gone cook that rice? We can't start a fire. It'll attract the dogs! Drop that ish"
Overit: I’d be late cause Harriet and I were beat on the same day, I'm narcoleptic too. and I KNOW id get beat, I just got an attitude with a cop in dc. My girl was talking btwn her teeth like "iswearzifyouhaveusherelongerthanweshouldimanevaspeaktoyouagain"
Luvvie: lmao
Overit: I was like, get off my seat!
We are dumb and ridiculous! Then as if that wasn't foolish enough, VEG went and wrote a poem for our she-ro, Harriet. It went a lil something like this:
This is dedicated to Araminta Ross, aka Harriet Tubman, bka Lady Moses, i.e. The Original Antebellum Gangsta
Ms. Tubman you gave us free.
When we were too tired to keep it movin'.
Your revolver put life in our tired feet.
"Go on or die" you said
While you held the muzzle to our head.
You was 'bout dat freedom
And if a fool was late you'd leave 'em.
Leading mo fos through the bush,
On a trip that was so far.
Dodging dogs and massa
Following that north star.
Comin' back again and again
Risking yo own life
To bring others to that freedom light.
Leading armed revolts
Telling white suffragists where they could go.
Yous one badass bish.
Weezy, Jeezy, Dopey and Sneezy...
They ain't got nuthin on you, a real gangsta.
*DEAD*. iQuit ALL of us. We are RUDE. This is what happens when you don't go to bed on time.
JBSSFAOU (Guess that Jeebs be... reference)
Oh and since Harriet was bout that freedom, What U BOUT? Tell us!
10 comments:
Well I was 'bout keeping my job before reading this post. All the cackling I did might put that in danger though. Y'all are too much!
hmmm...jesus be some sense for all of us?
I quit all ya'll, effective immediately. lolol. antebellum gangsta?!?!? DONE.
--SouthernGirl
pink slips are in the mail [pony express, in honor of Mother Harriet]for each and everyone of ya'll! Luvvie get a special notation on hers for tryna drag a 20lb bag of rice on the dayum freedom train!!
Ya'll are so guilty of manslaughter....I can't even breathe.
What am I bout? I'm bout that July 28th because it's my birfday! *does birfday shuffle*
I'm also bout them Airheads (candy). They're addictive.
Damn, Donnie guessed what I was gonna say. I couldn't even finish reading this damn post all the way through because of this line
cuz I aint got NO time to play these bald-headed shackled games w/ u
*Flatlines*
iQuit all of yall ignant ausses!!!
For making me have to sit in a meeting and stifle giggles until my
chocolate face turned BEET RED, I BBMo hereby quit the following
people into perpetuity.
Luvvie
ZeeBaby
CrazyMagnet.
My attorney will be serving each of you with quittage papers within
the hour. Kindly sign and date them IMMJIATELY.
Sinsurrly,
BBMo.
P. S Zee, imma need to keys to the e-house.kthxbye!
Happy Birthday, Cheekie!!!
Harriet Tubman was THE original Pam Grier’s Foxy Brown (loves me a woman with a messed up bandana on!).
I started singin’ Areosmith’s “Train Kept A Rollin’” for Just Cause! (“I just couldn’t tell her so. Sweet little woman get along …”)
What am I all about? My kids. With the passion of a 1,000 angry wolves.
And my woman … if … uh, well, … if I had one …
But really, Here, I’m all about her most fab-u-los Awesomelynessis – Luvvie!
Thanks, V! That ignance up above was quite the hilarity bliss b-day present.
This right here?:
"'I'm heading north today and I wanted to let you know, before I go, I hate you azz'"
Yeeeeaaaaaaa...iDied.
Then I rose again to read this.
"bitch, chicken george be thankin bout me when he out in the field with you"
and I died AGAIN.
Thank you for killing allll my chances at resurrection. See you on the other side....but clearly not the free side, cause my ass would be late getting there.
sincerly,
Phlyy
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