House of IG

The mid 90s were a boon to emotional, vulnerable @ss ninjas who loved to croon mediocre R&B ballads. But only one emo dude earns the title for Douchiest. Video. Ever. Behold, Mario Winans' "I Don't Wanna Know" with real-time commentary from me and Luvvie.

Luvvie: as he serenades himself w/ backlight. ANGST game is proper ALREADY lmaooo

Kindred: see? I knew Bad Boy was up to no good

Luvvie: why he bent over the piano??

Kindred: he is in PAIN

Luvvie: assessing his life. lmao why did the beat start and im twurkin in my chair? for such a sad song, the beat is TIGHT

Kindred: every time this comes on, i think it's the Fugees, as does the rest of America

Luvvie: OW OWWWWWW! see them make out in B&W

Kindred: classyyyy

Luvvie: lmaooooo! why is he sitting among trash?

Kindred: cause that's how he FEELS, his heart in the GUTTAH

Luvvie: NOT IN THE TUBB!!!! *faints* fully clothed!!!

Kindred: YES. I told you but there's nothing like the experience

Luvvie: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. OMG they dont do angst like THIS no more

Kindred: they don't! he ruined it for everybody. and for his sweater

Luvvie: on that twin size bed he sittin on - what is this?? a dorm?

Kindred: that's why she left him

Luvvie: XL sheets face ass

hahaha he watching movies on a projector as he reminisce

Kindred: expensive ass projector but he can't afford a queen bed?! *gasp* DIDDY!

Luvvie: lmao at the chick rockin lingerie and a bucket hat. where's her short set?

Kindred: look at his superior acting skills. this video is full of bad decisions

Luvvie: that video is angsty as shit!!!

Kindred: how did he get a dry sweater?

Luvvie: bad decisions, bad acting. this GROWN man dipped himself in a tub fully-clothed and crying

Kindred: lmao he hugged the projector screen

Luvvie: H20 aint the answer to his problems

Kindred: look at all them tapes he got. this can't be healthy

Luvvie: yes! he had CASSETTES

Kindred: see? that's why she left. his priorities effed up

Luvvie: she left him cuz he sits in tubs weeping bout lost loves

Kindred: little bed, big tapes

Luvvie: *Dead* not lil bed, big tapes! And Diddy's slack-jawed ass had to make an appearance
muthafucka for what?

Kindred: YES he did. This is a Bad Boy movie that's why

Luvvie: LAWD! and of coure i aint gon start on the lyrics of said song. dont e'en get me BEGUN!!! the beesh IS playing u and u clearly found out but sittin amongst garbage and wading in a tub pool aint gon bring her back. u may wanna upgrade ur life and get a bigger bed

Kindred: he could buy that big dumb @ss screen but couldn't find a pair of balls

Luvvie: he could buy that big ass projector but he sleepin on a dorm bed. iCan't.

Kindred: california KANG. that's what he needs to do an appropriate bed slide. i mean seriously tho, where was he sitting with all that garbage? GETCHO BIG children under the stairs face ass

Luvvie: LMAO "sometimes i feel like a motherless child" face

Kindred: "life ain't been no crystal stair" face

Luvvie: boooooooooooo throws tomatoes at mario

Kindred: get off the staggggeeee
where's RILEY?

Luvvie: *channels Riley Freeman* "NIGGA YOU GAY!!! ur woman left u for a sexy flexy ass nigga. now u crying like a BITCH"***

Kindred: "i mean, he wasn't een no real nigga, like TI"

Luvvie: *DEAD* YESSSSS

Kindred: lmao i'm sayin tho - you seint him in that tub, right? cause that video has haunted me for damn near a decade

Luvvie: drowning in angst, failure & broken heart

Kindred: but he couldn't do that naked tho? maybe it's cause he a Winans - too secular for Jesah

Luvvie: true story. he aint expose no male nipplage either. he kept it pg-16.5. the winans STAN for the LAWD

Kindred: mmhmm Bebe and Cece woulda whupped his @ss

[End scene]

Readers, can you think of any other videos that can match the level of estrogen and raw emotion shown in this clip? Did we miss anything in the commentary? Has Diddy ever fully closed his mouth? We need answers.

***We channeled Riley. We're some gentleladies so we don't talk like that in real life. Only through Riley Freeman.